4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man buys a “Talking Centipede” for $100. When he gets home, he asks, “Want to grab a beer?”
Nothing.
A few minutes later, he shouts, “Want to go get a beer?!”
The centipede pops out and says, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer dies and ends up in Hell, which is a total disaster. The AC’s broken, the pool’s empty, and everything is falling apart.
The engineer gets to work, fixing everything. After a while, Hell starts looking pretty good.
God notices this and asks the Devil, “Why is Hell so nice now?”
The Devil grumbles, “That engineer you sent here has fixed everything!”
God, furious, says, “Send him to Heaven!”
The Devil laughs, “No way. We like him here.”
God threatens, “Send him back or I’ll sue!”
The Devil smirks, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe, a small-town guy, becomes a lawyer and moves back to impress everyone. But when he opens his office, no one comes.
One day, a man walks by, and Joe, eager to look important, pretends to be on the phone.
He talks loudly: “Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! My team is the best! We’ll win for sure!”
When the man walks in, Joe hangs up and says, “Sorry about that, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man replies, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
7. Chick Magnet
A city guy moves to the country and buys 100 baby chicks. A week later, he returns for 200 more. Then he buys 500.
“Wow,” says the store worker. “You must be doing great!”
“Nope,” the man sighs. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart.”
